McCain's Disease: The basic symptoms

In 1994, the American Psychiatric Association published the fourth edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Good little book editor that I am, I remember when at least two psychology books I was working on had to get a big do-over because of DSM-IV. Boy, was that fun. Especially changing the index.

Hopefully, when the APA gets around to the DSM-V, some new mental disorders will be added. I'd like to suggest one for consideration: McCain's Disease. Now, I admit that I have no formal training in psychology or psychiatry. Heck, I don't even have a graduate degree. Nonetheless, we live in a country where it's ridiculously easy to set up shop as a therapist. Just ask those two chicks who wrote The Courage to Heal. Besides, as Bill Frist has proven, it's very easy to make a conclusive diagnosis just by watching someone on a TV screen. Therefore, I suggest that the APA consider McCain's Disease to be a legitimate psychological disorder.

For a proper diagnosis, at least five of the following diagnostic criteria must be present:

1. An extreme craving for attention, approval, and acceptance, even by enemies or adversaries.

2. Constantly shifting opinions or viewpoints, to the point where the sufferer has trouble keeping his stories straight.

3. Sudden loyalty and overtures of friendship toward people who might have wronged or mistreated the sufferer in the past.

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4. A distorted sense of reality. The patient will make statements that clearly are not true; however, the patient will believe that they are true.



5. A deteriorating sense of self. The patient will initially have a confident affect but quickly loses any semblance of an individual identity.

6. Impaired decision making. The patient will simply repeat what others have said, offering no new insight or analysis.

7. Impaired judgment. The patient may, for example, make inappropriate jokes or offer halfhearted excuses for really stupid blunders.

8. Lack of attention to external details. The patient will say the wrong thing at the worst possible time and behave inappropriately, as if he does not know what's going on around him.

Current treatment for McCain's Disease is at the experimental stages. Thus far, it consists of large numbers of people yelling, "You have no idea what you're talking about!" and asking "What color is the sky in your world?" This treatment has had little success. Short of an election loss or similar reality check, there is no cure for McCain's disease. Hopefully, the APA can begin to address this very public but seldom studied psychological disorder.

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