Thursday, September 13, 2007

Entering the No-Credibility Zone: The spin begins

Sorry, thirty percenters, but your preznit does not and never will look particularly presidential. Vacant is more like it.

But doesn't that picture of Laura and Barney look cute?

Terrorism, Iraq, survival. Nice conflation, dude. Too bad nobody believes you, anymore. And Iraq is not our ally.

Who's threatening Iraq's future, anyway? Who's this external enemy? C'mon, this is a civil war and you know it. Big baddy-o Saddam kept the sectarianism seething below the surface by being crazy and evil and sadistic. Now he's gone and the country's blown open.

Some of our troops home? You mean "returning to pre-surge levels," right? It does sound preferable to a draft, of course, but all this talk about how ducky things are in Anbar rings false. In fact, the expression "polishing a turd" comes to mind.

So "a city where al Qaeda planted its flag is beginning to normal." What's normal in Iraq, anyway? What are these jobs being created? And nice talk about the happy news that isn't being reported.

"Our tomorrow starts today." Let me guess--these new jobs include writing for greeting cards?

"In Anbar the enemy remains active and deadly." President stupid undercuts his own argument. This is just getting embarrassing. Sure, things are a little bit okay--but hey, they're more okay than before!

Of course, Bush doesn't comfort anyone. Anbar's still being patrolled. Why? Because it's still dangerous. And there's an "uprising against extremists." And what makes President Stupid think the uprisers like the American troops?

The look in his eyes says it all: "Pleeeeeeeaaaaase believe me! Please please pretty please with sugar and cherries! Please!"

But things are better because the Iraqi government passed a budget. Whoopity-doo.

Do the Iraqis really want Americans looking over their shoulders? Somehow, I don't think so. But man, Bush has a bug up his ass about Iraq.

Still, I'm sure Yellow Elephants are sad that the USA won't need so many soldiers anymore. They're so eager to enlist, after all.

"Civil society takes root?" Now that's just insulting. What constitutes civil in Bush's book? Why do the Iraqis need President Stupid to define "civil"?

Can't wait to find out more about the real story in Iraq. "The more successful we are, the more American troops can return home." This is the rhetorical equivalent of Cheez Whiz.

Only the 30 percenters believe that Situation FUBAR has anything to do with fighting terrorists. They're probably the only ones uplifted by this speech.

And of course, President Stupid says "nukuler" again, as he talks about all the awful things that would happen if the American troops left Iraq.

"Preventing chaos and providing hope in the Middle East"? Ha ha ha. Too late for that.

Afghanistan and the Holy Land. First time he's mentioned that.

Okay, I'm now really bored by this speech. This is exactly what I'd expected him to say. This president is a one-man ecological threat. Any more of this hot air and the polar bears will be wearing life jackets.

And, of course, he tries to appear compassionate by mentioning a soldier killed in Iraq. Meanwhile, not once does he mention Osama bin Laden.

C'mon, Mr. Preznit, give it up already.