Introducing the Conserv-O-Meter!

When Li'l Ricky's done making his movies, he might want to consider investing in one of these new contraptions. If his soon-to-be produced film output doesn't succeed in shaping the nature of our reality, maybe the Conserv-O-Meter will.

Say, if Evil Bobby doesn't mind, why don't we test this contraption and see what we get?

Rick Santorum (cling-clunk doop-zweek DING!). Rick Santorum was elected during the Great Wave that Purified America in 1994. He was a champion of family values and personal integrity and all those other wonderful things that the newly elected GOP Congress promised when they were ordained by God's law to challenge the odious liberal rule of the Great Liar Clinton. Rick Santorum loved fetuses and hated sodomites, and for this, he had a disgusting sexual byproduct named after him. To compound the humiliation, he was voted out of office in 2006. Obviously, Pennsylvania voters did not recognize his outstanding moral character. His loss was theirs.

Eleanor Roosevelt (vrrrrrrm-voooooom-DING!). Bleeding-heart harpy with bad taste in clothes. Married America's first pinko president, who didn't know how or when to keep her on a tight leash. Luckily, our current First Lady isn't uppity like she was.

Jack Abramoff (durrrr-durrrrrr-DING!). Uh, sorry. We have nothing on this guy. Never heard of him. No way, nohow.

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