Introducing the Conserv-O-Meter!

When Li'l Ricky's done making his movies, he might want to consider investing in one of these new contraptions. If his soon-to-be produced film output doesn't succeed in shaping the nature of our reality, maybe the Conserv-O-Meter will.

Say, if Evil Bobby doesn't mind, why don't we test this contraption and see what we get?

Rick Santorum (cling-clunk doop-zweek DING!). Rick Santorum was elected during the Great Wave that Purified America in 1994. He was a champion of family values and personal integrity and all those other wonderful things that the newly elected GOP Congress promised when they were ordained by God's law to challenge the odious liberal rule of the Great Liar Clinton. Rick Santorum loved fetuses and hated sodomites, and for this, he had a disgusting sexual byproduct named after him. To compound the humiliation, he was voted out of office in 2006. Obviously, Pennsylvania voters did not recognize his outstanding moral character. His loss was theirs.

Eleanor Roosevelt (vrrrrrrm-voooooom-DING!). Bleeding-heart harpy with bad taste in clothes. Married America's first pinko president, who didn't know how or when to keep her on a tight leash. Luckily, our current First Lady isn't uppity like she was.

Jack Abramoff (durrrr-durrrrrr-DING!). Uh, sorry. We have nothing on this guy. Never heard of him. No way, nohow.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tell us something we don't already know

The MTA is clueless. Man, if you need a place to vent or learn the full story behind mass transit horror stories, check out Gothamist. The MTA admitted that the service was not acceptable on many accounts, from the flooding to the fact that the MTA's website was overwhelmed. Then there's also the fact that the MTA was urging people not to take the subways and opt for a bus instead, only for buses to be (A) few and far between and (B) crowded as anything. They forgot to mention "(C) fucking slow." Don't the people at the MTA feel really stupid when they say shit like this? MTA CEO Lee Sander said, "We really are sorry about the inconvenience that New Yorkers had to deal with. In terms of how it happened, we had three inches of rain in an hour. The system is designed to handle 1.5 inches." This isn't quite as appalling as last year's 9-day Queens blackout--you know, the one where Con Ed lied about the number of places without power--but it still in
Read more

We're the ones we've been waiting for, and all that

Via Blue Wave News , Van Jones' speech at the Campus Progress National Conference, which rang true to this cautiously optimistic liberal. More from Mr. Jones, via HuffPo: We are trying to build a pro-democracy movement in a country that, at least for eight years, was run by [inaudible] authoritarians. And it is not going to be easy. But I tell you, the most important thing I can say is... We feed the fearmongers. We feed the politics of division, by giving it so much attention and letting it fill up the space in our mind. We have to feed the hope. This country is an extraordinary -- I get choked up -- this is an incredible, beautiful country... That little idiot box off in the corner trying to depress you and make you feel like this is a horrible country and everybody believes evil things about the president... it is just not true. Cut it off, just cut it off and walk down the street and talk to real people in this country. They are sophisticated. They are wise. They don't kno
Read more