The Slashiest Administration in American History

WARNING: This post is rated NC-17 for adult language, squicky theories, and hot, sweaty sex stuff. It should not be read by kids, overly serious political bloggers, or anyone with a weak stomach.

A-HEM...

There's a curious underside to the Bush presidency, one that his most vehement moral values voters refuse to acknowledge even as they struggle to justify their loyalty. It's something that the 36 percenters don't dare speak of, because the very idea is not only morally abhorrent to them, but just plain icky yucky gross.

Before we talk about what that ickiness is, a bit of history: During the 1990s, when it was okay to not give a shit about politicians, I was an active, sometimes overenthusiastic member of science fiction fandom. I hung out in chat rooms. I posted to Usenet groups and AOL boards. (Yes, I was on AOL. I got smart later on, okay?) I loved The X-Files and Farscape. I thought Xena was way fun. But my favorite show was Star Trek: Deep Space Nine; I cried my eyes out when it ended.

And like so many fans, I became an even more active little fan by writing...don't laugh...fan fiction. Yes, fan fiction. Nothing sleazy or shocking. No "Kirk and Spock as 23rd-century love bunnies" stories. I was an enthusiastic fan who took her fannishness a couple of steps further. There are still some fan stories of mine floating around the Web, but I've since moved on.

If you explore enough fan fiction sites and read enough zines, you get an idea of the kinds of things devoted fans are writing about their fictional heroes. In fact, there is a lot of interesting, smartly written fanfic out there: short stories, vignettes, novels, parodies. There is also plenty of dreck. There are fan stories for every TV show, movie, Broadway musical, game, or comic book you can think of. There are, allegedly, fan stories using cereal mascots, although I have never been able to find them. There is Minesweeper fan fiction, Pong fan fiction, and even fan fiction based on real people. There are fanfic archetypes, including the infamous Mary Sues. There are also innumerable subgenres, the best known being slash.

Slash, for those unlucky enough to have never encountered it, is fan fiction pairing two characters of the same sex--usually male. The term comes from the fact that the characters' names are offset with a slash, as in "Kirk/Spock," "Duncan MacLeod/Methos," "Mulder/Krycek," or "Timon/Pumbaa." Pairing characters in homoerotic settings is referred to as "slashing" them. Slash writers are almost always female. It's kind of weird how that happens. I mean, it's not like guys get off on lesbian porn or anything like that.

Yes, if you are unfamiliar with fandom, you will find yourself thinking, "These people have way too much time on their hands."

A new subgenre has emerged, called real person slash, or RPS. The Lord of the Rings trilogy, with its male eye candy, helped to stir the imaginations of RPS authors. Here's one article on an RPS story that pairs Morrissey (waitaminnit, isn't he celibate?) with a member of Franz Ferdinand. For what it's worth, the FF dudes seem amused.

And what, pray tell, does all this have to do with the Bush administration? Well, much as it pains me to admit it, this is the most slash-worthy administration we've ever had. Never mind the failed gay marriage amendment. Never mind all the GOP's cozying up to the religious right. You'll find more gay subtext in today's government than in a whole season of Xena: Warrior Princess. This has led to lots of Fun with Fotoshop in the blogosphere.



Politician slash remains a sub-sub-sub-genre that most fans don't want to acknowledge, but it's hardly new. Take PrezSlash 2000: That's the Ticket, for instance. In 2004, John Kerry/John Edwards slash enjoyed brief popularity. Historically, Dem politicians have been easier on the eyes than their GOP counterparts. But now, with Republicans controlling the government, writers are coming to see the slash potential of our commander in chief and the stud muffins in Congress. In an administration that's declared open season on homosexuals, there have to be some deeply closeted, self-hating gays, and thus potetial for all kinds of angst-ridden poli-slash. And there are currently writers looking to fulfill this potential.

Current Affairs is the fanfic site that proclaims, "Make a political statement. Slash a politician!" Again, in case anyone thinks these people belong on an FBI watch list, "slashing" refers to writing gay fiction about them.



Who better to imagine in a slashy setting than Rick Santorum, a man whose behavior just screams "closet case"? Weathering the Storm stars Santorum and Louisiana Senator David Vitter. Vitter, you may recall backed the gay marriage amendment because "I don't believe there's any issue that's more important than this one." And that goes for his constituents who lost their homes to Hurricane Katrina. Anyhow, another story in this series has Tom DeLay sneering as he confronts Li'l Ricky regarding "the love that dare not speak its name."

Still, nobody has paired Bush with Rove--you think there's something behind the TURDblossom nickname perhaps? Nobody's paired Cheney with anyone or anything. Most bizarre of all, nobody's included studly rent boy turned GOP attack dog Jeff Gannon in their stories. Perhaps the intrepid wordsmiths at Current Affairs should take note of this and get their imaginations to work.