Friday, November 17, 2006

Great gift ideas for 2006!

Christmas season hasn't even started, yet I still predict that the annual "War on Christmas" will be waged yet again, for a third straight year. How do I know this? Well, first, there's the news that Toys for Tots has rejected 4,000 Talking Jesus dolls. Bill O'Reilly and John Gibson are going to be pissed. Why did Toys for Tots reject their Savior-in-toy-form? Well, since the Marines are government employees, they can't be seen to favor one religion over the other. Yes, it's that pesky little First Amendment thing again.
Toys are donated to kids based on financial need and "we don't know anything about their background, their religious affiliations," said Bill Grein, vice president of Marine Toys for Tots Foundation, in Quantico, Va.

As a government entity, Marines "don't profess one religion over another," Grein said Tuesday. "We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family."

But never fear, War on Christmas warriors! Before Gibson adjusts his glasses (he must've worn the same pair since 1978 or so) and sits down to update his "War on Christmas" book, Toys For Tots reports that everything has been straightened out. "Toys for Tots has found appropriate places for these items. We have notified the donor of our willingness to handle this transaction," says the organization's Web site.

Mockingbird's Medley has actually had a look-see at this Talking Jesus, and seems...well, floored by it. I think the big question is: does this Jesus merely recite Bible verses or does He also sing passages from Jesus Christ Superstar? Because if he did, it might be awesome. You could have Judas and Mary Magdalene figures to go along with it.

In the meantime, for the little secular humanist or science geek in your life, there are Giant Microbes. Wide-eyed, plushy, utterly adorable virus toys. Yes, virus toys. As in toys that look like cute, cuddly viruses. Huggy-snuggly-wuggly viruses. What a great gift idea!

Actually, on second thought, you might want to be careful with these toys. Imagine if your second-grader says, "Guess what, teacher? Mommy gave me kissing disease for Christmas!"

Personally, my favorites are the alimentary viruses.

This little guy is E. Coli.

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And this cutie-pie is Salmonella.

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The perfect critters to cuddle up with when you're home sick in bed--wouldn't you say?