Advice for politicians

Look, idiots, if you're having problems with your wife, OR you aren't getting any, I have two words for you.

Sex. Therapist.

Or if you're feeling "the urge" and need to take care of it really soon, I have two more words for you:

Porn. Magazine.

These are legal. They are common. They are somewhat less embarrassing than being caught buying the services of a hooker or banging some bimbo intern. Or trying to pick up random people in airport bathrooms.

Look, if Bob Dole can keep a straight face in a Viagra commercial, you can send some flunky to buy a copy of Playboy. Or, in Larry Craig's case, some gay porn magazine. And if you're caught with a skin magazine, at least you can turn around and say you're an average American and milk all the populist appeal you can out of it. After all, what red-blooded American male doesn't like porn? Maybe you can even get a Playboy cover story out of it.

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