Please, please, please let this happen!!!

If it did, I would be the happiest person on Earth.

Dismissing the GOP presidential field as a "pathetic" bunch of "pygmies," Newt Gingrich hinted Monday he might step in to beat Democrats Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama.

"If, in mid-October, it's quite clear that one or more of the current candidates is strong enough to be a serious alternative to a Clinton-Obama ticket, you don't need me to run," the former House Speaker said at a breakfast sponsored by the American Spectator. "If it becomes patently obvious, as the morning paper points out, that the Democrats have raised a hundred million more than the Republicans, and at some point people decide we are going to get Hillary unless there's a radical change, then there's space for a candidate," he added. "So you'll know by mid-October one of those two futures is real."

It's really sad that Gingrich has no faith in '08 slate. I mean, they're the ideal GOP candidates. What's not to like? There's John "What straight talk express?" McCain. There's Rudy "Never mind the naysayers; here's America's Mayor" Giuliani. There's Yosemite Mitt, a guy named Thompson who has decided to run, a guy named Thompson who hasn't decided to run, the obligatory long-shot maverick whom everyone talks about and nobody will vote for, the loony wingnut senator from Kansas, and Governor Whatshisname from Arkansas. And three of these guys don't even believe in evolution.

Nice to see that Mr. Derailed-Straight-Talk-Express hasn't let the Newtster faze him. But can't he come up with some witticism? I mean, this guy can sing "Bomb Iran" but he can't come up with a good one-liner in response to Newt?

Especially when Newt says shit like this?

Gingrich mocked Republican presidential candidates for subjecting themselves to a May debate hosted by Chris Matthews of MSNBC's "Hardball."

"You're watching an utterly irrelevant, shallow television celebrity dominate everybody who claimed they want to lead the most powerful nation in the world," he said.

Gingrich ridiculed "the idea of 10 or 11 people standing passively at microphones," and said he refused to "shrink to the level of 40-second answers, standing like a trained seal, waiting for someone to throw me a fish."

He added: "These are not debates, these are auditions. By definition, the psychology of an audition reduces the person auditioning and raises the status, for example, of Chris Matthews."

Attaboy Newt. Don't lower yourself to answering a bunch of YouTube nincompoops. Keep that stick up your ass your head held high. I'm sure you'll be a winner. Enter the race. America will love you for it.