I don't like cell phones

There. I've said it. Yes, I'll admit that I have a cell phone. It's a cute little red Nokia cell phone that I got in 2003. And yes, I know how handy and convenient they are and how necessary they are and how some people can't live without them.

Nevertheless, I still don't like cell phones. They're a necessary evil, like cough medicine and the IRS. That's all. That's it.

Consider the reasons...

1. They've provided more opportunities for outright rudeness. Years ago, before I met Le Sweetie, I went on a date with a jerk who insisted on chatting on the cell phone while driving, with me in the passenger's seat. Yes, that's a great way to break the ice with a date. As it turns out, the cell phone was the least of this guy's problems, but that's another story. There's a time and a place for everything, but now that everyone's carrying these things around, they think they can just whip out the cell phone and start a conversation, whether they're eating dinner with friends or at Carnegie Hall. Cut it out!

2. Those freaky little head sets that people use with cell phones so that it looks like they're talking to themselves. Unless you've got neck problems OR you are a telephone operator, you do not need a head set. It will not kill you to simply HOLD the cell phone in one hand as you talk. Most people do this all the time.

3. Unlike land lines, cell phones need to be recharged. You can't just pick up a cell phone whenever you like, because use it enough and you'll use up all the juice inside. Sooooo you'll have to recharge the phone, feeling blue because now you can't play the spiffy games that are included on the phone or listen to your new Kanye West and Pink ringtones. And speaking of ringtones...

4. Ringtones are just a way to wring some more money out of you. Why do you need Green Day to let you know that someone's calling? Is Green Day with the telephone company? No. Does Green Day care who's calling you? No. Besides, if you want to hear Green Day AND you're really so savvy with new technology, chances are you've got an iPod to listen to Green Day. A phone is a phone. Not a radio or an mp3 player. Besides, that tinny little recording of "American Idiot" gets on people's nerves.

Meanwhile, I'm looking to replace my cell phone. It's three years old and already on its last legs. That's another thing about cell phones. Unlike 'puters, which can go five years at least, cell phones need to be replaced every 2-3 years. So, I'm going to subject myself to a barrage of propaganda from Sprint (my current plan), T-Mobile, Verizon, et al. I'm thinking of switching to Verizon since that's Le Sweetie's plan and we can talk to each other for an unlimited amount of time. I'm sure they'll try to sell me one of those phones with the cameras and mp3 players inside. Whoopee.

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