Saturday, December 22, 2007

Gah! HE'S still around?!?

Once upon a time, I read X-Men comics.

Shaddap! It was the 1980s, before they were ever a franchise. There weren't any movies, cartoons, action figures, or slash fanfics. At least no slash fanfics that I know of.

So no, I wasn't geeky. I was cool, mmmmmm-kay?

Anyway, as I grew up and became more (AHEM!) sophisticated, I started reading stuff like Sandman and lost interest in following the ever-expanding X-Universe. This is probably a good thing, because just as I was getting into Sandman, Rob Liefeld was becoming le hot artist des comics and Marvel was starting to suck ass.

In retrospect, this was a good thing. For those unfamiliar with Liefeld: Ever wondered what would happen if a comics fanboy, addicted Punisher, Nick Fury, and other gun-totin' comic-book manly men, somehow landed an artist's gig without formal training or even a basic grasp of human anatomy? Well, you'd have Rob Liefeld. His artwork usually has lots of screaming, scowling, squinting superheroes brandishing large weapons. Within the comic book industry, he is generally considered to be a douchebag. Among other things, he has called Alan Moore "a whiner." People interested in further details (including his possible reliance on tracing paper) should just go to his Wikipedia entry.

Despite his controversial history and often prickly relationships with his colleagues, Liefeld continues to get work. And the fanboys and fangirls continue to mutter, "I/my brother/my friend/my goddamn cat could draw better than this hack!"

Meanwhile, one brave soul has managed to compile the very worst of Liefeld's work. It is a truly frightening list, but for some reason it omits the image below:

Of course, there could be a reason for this. Maybe it's part of a special issue on steroid abuse in the superhero community.

Liefeld, however, has decided to move on from superheroes to...drum roll please...the Bible.

Yes, the Bible. Only instead of wearing robes and sandals and stuff, Moses, David, Samson, and all their Biblical buddies have gotten the Liefeld treatment. They're heavily muscled, they wear a lot of outfits with pouches, and their adventures take place in a science fiction/comic book setting. See the concept art for more. Who but Rob Liefeld would reimagine King David as an extreme sports fanatic?

Paging Elayne Riggs! There's a ComicMix column in here somewhere.

Meanwhile, I can't help wondering: where's Bill Donahue and the Catholic League when you really need them?